North board, roleplay 19
Black Screen...
Snow: “Will that damned stench NEVER leave!?”
Slowly, the scene fades in on a crowded parking lot, somewhere in Los Angeles. Snow sits on the hood of his bright red Viper, staring at a road map. He seems to be the only person nearby, although the lot is packed with vehicles of all sorts. Snow, after showing thorough disgust for the California air, turns his attention back to the map...
Snow: “Now why, by Greatness, would anyone attempt to hide the Wrestling God 3 tournament from me? Especially when I AM the tournament’s only Superior Individual. What would Wrestling God 3 be without me, the Killin’ Villain? By Greatness, it would have the combined talent of a pair of geriatric testicles!”
By now, we all know that Jason Snow doesn’t mind talking to himself. In fact, some consider it one of his favourite hobbies. Snow shakes his head and attempts to read the map. One must consider, however, that the young PCW Superstar is used to Canadian streets... nice, simple, Canadian streets...
Snow: “Damn this hell hole! I knew I should have demanded the tournament be held somewhere less inferior than this!”
With that, the former three time PCW Champion tosses the map aside, and scratches his stubbly chin - he’s still in need of a good shave. Sweating beneath the hot California sun, Jason Snow is the portrait of a Superstar. His long blond hair, tied back into a tight ponytail, gleams beneath the sun’s rays - as do his jet black leather pants and Snake Skin boots. He flips his dark sunglasses up above his eyes and gets a good look at his surroundings...
Snow: “Peasants...”
Snow’s eyes lock on a skating park, some two hundred feet away to his right...
Snow: “Four o’clock.”
In a snake-like motion, the young wrestling star slides off the hood of his car and heads toward the skating park, the heels of his Snake Skin boots announcing his arrival long before any of the young skateboard-wielding men would ever have noticed him...
Snow: “Greetings plebes!”
Snow is smiling as he approaches, and he catches everyone’s attention. Three young men, ranging in the area of fifteen to twenty in age, meet Snow beside the half-pipe, their skateboards in hand. While they begin to strip their gear, the oldest of the boys speaks...
Boy 1: “Yo man. Can we help you wit’ sumpin’?”
The young man, who we assume is somewhere over eighteen years of age, yet under twenty, looks very odd to Snow. His bleached blond hair, though quite long, stands straight up on his head and he has several piercings on various parts of his face. Snow can’t hide his curiousity...
Snow: “W-what in the hell are you supposed to be!?”
The blond young man looks to his friends, and then back to Snow...
Boy: “Well, my name’s Josh yo.”
Snow: “Josh Yo? That’s the strangest name I’ve ever heard in my life! Hmph! Leave it to Californians!”
Josh looks to his companions and shrugs - obviously, Jason Snow appears strange to him. Snow appears strange to most people - what, with his leather pants, Snake Skin boots, and all...
Josh: “Look, dude, you want sumpin’ or what?”
Snow scowls...
Snow: “Dude!? DUDE!?!? Is THAT how you were taught to address your Superior Individuals around here!? I’ll have you know that I am no ‘dude’! I am the Killin’ Villain, damn it!”
Again, the young men exchange curious glances. Before any of them can fill the silence with words, Snow continues...
Snow: “Now, peasant, I’m looking for the Wrestling God 3 tournament. I’ve heard that it’s being held in this Inferiority-stricken state! Now I demand you tell me where it is!”
The boy to Josh’s left, a smaller, red-haired young man in his middle teen years, leans close and whispers to his older friend - luckily, our super-sensitive microphones pick up his barely audible words...
Boy 2: “Dude, I think this guy’s on crack!”
Luckily, Snow didn’t hear the comment. Josh nods and motions for his red-haired friend to keep his silence...
Josh: “Wrestling God 3? Ain’t that at the forum, yo?”
Snow nods and the smile returns to his face...
Snow: “And all this time I’ve thought that peasants were good for nothing more than slavery and occasional self-sacrifice. You’ve done well, Josh Yo.”
By this time, some people behind Josh and his companions have climbed back onto their boards and began skating again. This catches Snow’s attention... he narrows his eyes and points to the activity...
Snow: “What in the hell is going on there?”
Josh looks over his shoulder where a young man is performing tricks for his friend...
Josh: “They’re skating , man.”
Snow: “Skating? How in the hinges of hell do you skate without ice!?”
Snow is clueless, obviously. Josh picks up his skateboard, flips it upside down, and holds it up for the former PCW Champion to see...
Josh: “You don’t need ice, man - you just need a board. See?”
Snow scratches his stubbly chin while gazing at the bottom side of the skateboard. He submerges himself deep in thought, studying every aspect of the board. Finally, his head pops up and he exclaims...
Snow: “By Greatness, this HAS to be the stupidest contraption I’ve ever seen! Even the wheels wobble!”
Josh takes offence to this...
Josh: “Hey dude! Respect the board! Ok, yo! Respect the f(CENSORED)king board!”
In much the same fashion, Snow takes offense to Josh’s words. The Killin’ Villain takes a step back and tosses his sunglasses aside - his cold blue eyes flare as he points at the young skateboarder with a shakey hand...
Snow: “I’ll TELL you something about respect, plebe! YOU will learn to respect my Greatness! You can’t just go around calling someone of MY Superior standing ‘dude’ and ‘man’! I’m the Killin’ Villain, damn it! I’ll not stand for it!”
Josh turns to his companions and then back to Snow - he’s very unhappy now...
Josh: “Just chill out, man! What makes you so f(CENSOR)king special anyway!?”
Snow: “Damn it, peasant! Do you not see the very GREATNESS that’s oozing from every pore in my body! No! Of course you don’t! And I know why! It’s your damn generation! With your M&Ms and your Blink 9021-something rather!”
Snow scowls while Josh rolls his eyes. Before the young, spikey-headed, blond can say anything, Snow grabs his skate board...
Josh: “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”
Snow: “Silence, peasant! I’m about to give you a demonstration of Superiority! Now then...”
Snow puts the board down onto the pavement and steps onto it. A moment later, the board goes rolling across the lot and Snow is lying flat on his back. His face flushes with anger and embarassment...
Snow: “Damn it all to hell!”
The three boys laugh at Snow while Josh jumps on his board and rolls over to the fallen Killin’ Villain. By this time, Snow is back on his feet...
Josh: “So dude, was that your ‘superiority’?”
Snow: “Don’t mock me, peasant!”
Impressively, Snow leaps back to his feet without the use of his hands. He grabs Josh’s shirt and pulls the young skater off his board and shoves him aside. He looks back down at the skateboard and cautiously puts one foot on its surface...
Snow: “Now then... I just need to push off... any peasant could do this...”
Snow, with his right foot on the board, pushes himself forward with his left. Clumsily, he keeps himself balanced on the board while he speedily rolls forward. As he moves away, we hear him boast...
Snow: “You see? This is EASY for a man of my Superior ability! By Greatness, I could do this all day!”
At that moment, Snow realizes the trouble that he is in - he’s approaching a small ramp that has been erected out of the pavement. Snow tries relentlessly to turn the board away from ramp, but can find no success. Josh and his companions watch with their jaws dropped...
Josh: “That dude is in deep s(CENSORED)t!”
Snow rolls up the jump and flies about three feet off the ground. The board drops early and goes vertical, standing straight up on the pavement. A moment later, Snow comes crashing down on top of the board - the raised in smashing into his unprotected groin...
Josh: “OH MY GOD!”
Snow screams in pain...
Snow: “OH MY GREATNESS!”
The Killin’ Villain topples over onto his side and kicks the board away while clutching his aching groin. His face turns red and he exclaims in a great deal of pain...
Snow: “OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!! BY TRIALS OF GREATNESS AND PERILS OF HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!”
Snow writhes in pain on the pavement for a few moments, flopping like a tortured fish. Soon, Josh and his companions approach...
Josh: “Dude, are you ok?”
Josh extends his hand to help Snow off the pavement - a gesture that the former PCW Heavyweight Champion doesn’t appreciate in the least... Snow glares at the young man from the pavement...
Snow: “Don’t you touch me, peasant! For all I know, you’re swimming with as much disease as the homosexuals! And don’t think for a moment that I don’t know how close we are to San Francisco!”
Josh shrugs - he’s long since grown tired of Snow’s unorthodox antics. He jogs up to his board and skates off, followed by his companions... Snow, still clutching his groin and overwhelmed by pain, begins to speak from the ground...
Snow: “Damn it all to hell! How am I supposed to insert a Snake Skin boot into James Sexton’s ass if my testicals are making their way to my esophagus?”
Snow makes it to his hands and knees and slowly, with a great deal of trouble, begins crawling back to his car. There’s not much doubt that Snow will recover in time for the opening of Wrestling God 3... the only real question is.... will he ever be able to find it? The scene fades to black...