North board, roleplay 17

-Duke Williams stands in a large room that over looks the Pacific Ocean. The room is packed with little men with glasses and is surrounded by computers. Duke is wearing his black jeans, a T-shirt with Johnny Cash flipping the bird, his trademark chrome shades, and his black Stetson Hat. The room has a sense of urgency as the little men rush around it at a fast pace.-

Williams: Anything yet?

Man1: Hold on still computing.

-The sound of printers running crazy drowned out the rest of the ambient noise.-

Williams: Damn it, this science sh*t is a slow process.

Man2: In a minute Mr. Williams.

Williams: You think one of these computers can nuke up a burrito?

-Duke pulls a microwave burrito out of his pocket and starts to toy around with one of the advanced looking machines.-

Man1: Mr. Williams, please just sit down.

-Duke flips a switch and the machine starts to vibrate. One of the scientists turns it off and helps Duke back to a waiting area.-

Man2: Just wait here in the lobby. We’ll have the results for you in five minutes.

Williams: Ok what ever.

-Duke pulls a joint out of his pocket and lights the fatty up.-

Man2: Is…..is….is that marijuana?

Williams: It ain’t a steak and eggs hoss.

Man2: You….you….you can’t smoke that in here.

Williams: This is California right?

Man2: Yes.

Williams: Land of fruits and nuts.

Man2: Well…..

Williams: This is the state all them hippies are from?

Man2: I guess.

Williams: You got that medical mary jane law don’t you?

Man2: Yes.

Williams: Good cus this is a legal joint. I got it from Doctor Jamal Jackson. So shut the f*ck up and get me my damn results hoss.

-The man reluctantly exits back into the laboratory as Duke takes a hit.-

Williams: You know I hate this state but of coarse I love all them blue collar fans of mine that I like to call my hairy ass hillbillies. It’s different coming into this tournament fighting the best that all the other federations have to offer. Am I the most loved wrestler in the world? I don’t know. Tough questions I reckon. The clock is ticking.

-A scientist busts through the door with a long detailed piece of paper.-

Man1: After doing six hours of extensive analysis on the text copy of Anna Keyson’s last promo we have come to the conclusion that it lacks any substance that relates to your match or wrestling in general.

-Duke stomps out his joint.-

Williams: Far out hoss.

Man1: Through research of Miss Keyson’s other piece of work we also concluded that no matter what you say she will not respond.

Williams: So I would have better luck talking to this wallpaper?

Man1: You would get the same response.

Williams: Well damn hoss that transcript of her last promo was like War and Peace are you sure there wasn’t even a slight mention of me?

Man1: We our positive and there will not be a mention of you.

Williams: So I can say what I want about her and she won’t respond?

Man1: Its not her style.

Williams: SO why is she in wrestling? Why not write poetry or some sh*t?? This is a give and take sport. What a waste of time. I’d so much rather be fighting Egg Nogg right now.

Man1: I’m sorry that’s just what my report has show us.

Williams: So I can say anything and I’ll get nothing?

Man1: Yes.

Williams: This could be fun.

-Duke smiles as he exits the laboratory and hops into his black 1978 extended cab Ford pickup truck. Duke throws it into drive and turns up the radio which is cooking out a Haggard tune. He talks to the camera as he drives.-

Williams: So Anna your to good to respond??

-Duke adjusts the mirror.-

Williams: You think your brand new to the world of wrestling ass is better then a veteran with over a decade under his belt? You think your too important to answer the Malice Man? I know you see my lips quivering I just hope you understand what I’m saying.

-Duke honks his horn as he changes lanes doing ninety in the old truck.

Williams: Since you won’t talk to me or the people let me talk for you. I after all am one of the most popular wrestlers in the world and the hard nose host of PTC Malice. Where every Saturday night at 11est on Fancast.com I deliver the gospel with a no spin approach. Just the facts jack!

-Duke smiles after sneaking in his cheap plug for his show, which is once again, number on in the ratings at fancast.com!-

Williams: So with that let me explain to you why she won’t answer me or any other wrestler for that matter. You see as a child she was raped by so many dirty old men that the semen they pumped into her poisoned her brain and made her a zombie. She is in fact a semen zombie and that’s why she doesn’t talk back to you. She doesn’t respond to nothing but sex.

-Duke does a zombie impersonation as he drives along.-

Williams: She may be my daughter but goddamn have some respect for your self. You may ask what’s the deal with all that damn purple?? Why does she cover her over sexed body with purple makeup? Well it’s not just a side affect from being a semen zombie but it also involves her sick fetish of putting plumb’s up her plumbing. Yup that’s right she likes to put plums in her p*ssy.

-Duke just shakes his head.-

Williams: I guess there is something in the plumb’s skin that makes you turn purple. Oh well, I guess too each there own.

-Duke lights up a cigar as he drives on down the freeway.-

Williams: Anna I’m going to waste my breath and talk to you since you are my daughter. Sweetie you need to come out of that shell and give the people what they want. The people want to hear me debate you and everybody else. Stop being a baby and start talking back before I send your ass Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound and babe that’s the honky tonk truth!!

-Duke drives on as the camera fades.-