Writing a Bio (not my best work) RP#1

(The scene opens inside Fang’s mansion on a beautiful spring day. Fang is sitting in his office at a desk typing on his computer. Looking out the window beside him he can see how beautiful it is out. The birds are flying around chirping, the squirrels are scurrying around looking for nuts, somewhere somebody is playing Frisbee with their dog, the beaches are packed with people wanting to have some fun under the sun and get a tan, it’s a beautiful day to be alive and Fang is stuck inside on his computer. He is typing something up and talking to himself while he does it.)

Fang –– Now where do I start? …… It was a dark and stormy night …… no, that’s too overused …… Once upon a time …… no, this isn’t a fairy tale …… it all started when …… no that makes the climax at the beginning …… Damn writers block

(Ashley is walking by while Fang is sitting there talking to himself.)

Ashley –– What?

Fang –– Huh?

Ashley –– Did you say something to me?

Fang –– No, I was talking to myself.

Ashley –– Oh okay, so what are you working on?

Fang –– I’m working on a biography. My agent suggested that I do this. He said that I could follow in the footsteps of The Rock, Mick Foley and Chyna.

Ashley –– Wow, I had no idea.

Fang –– Yeah

Ashley –– So how much do you have done so far??

Fang –– Well see the screen?

Ashley –– Yeah, it’s empty.

Fang –– Exactly.

Ashley –– But, all other biographies are like at least 200 pages long. Do you have any idea how long this is going to take you?

Fang –– Umm …… carry the 4 …… add 45 …… minus 1 …… umm …… a long time

Ashley –– You’re damn right it’ll take a long time. How do you plan on training and preparing for your Pay Per View match with all of this writing to do?

Fang –– Hmmm …… you know, I never thought about that. I guess I’ll just do a bit each week until it’s done.

Ashley –– Okay, sounds like a plan. So do you need any help?

Fang –– No, I think I’ll be okay.

(All of a sudden the phone starts to ring.)

Fang –– I’ll get it.

Ashley –– No, let the maid get it.

Fang –– No, I gave all the staff the day off because I needed some peace and quiet.

Ashley –– Oh

(Fang reaches over and grabs the phone.)

Fang –– Hello? …… Sorry Ash, I’m going to need to take this call.

Ashley –– Okay, I’ll leave you to do your work anyway.

Fang –– Ok, hey

Agent (on the phone) –– Hi Fang. I was just calling to remind you about starting on the book

Fang –– I know, I’m working on it right now.

Agent –– Okay, well how’s it going?

Fang –– Not so good

Agent –– Why?

Fang –– Because I can’t get started.

Agent –– Why not?

Fang –– Because I just can’t figure out how to start it out.

Agent –– Oh well that’s why you’re the author and not me. You’ll figure something out.

Fang –– Yeah

Agent –– Well I was just calling to check up on how you were doing. But I have to go, I’ve got more phone calls to make.

Fang –– Okay, bye

Agent –– Bye

(Fang’s agent hangs up the phone)

Fang –– Hmm…… I need an intro fitting of a Universal Champion …… 25 years, many title reigns, millions of dollars, and plenty of girlfriends ago Fang was born. October 14, 1977 was the historic day that should one day become a national holiday. In the back of a taxi heading down Young Street in Toronto, Ontario Fang made his triumphant arrival at 5:43 pm and ……

(Outside Fang’s window there is a nest with some birds in it. They start to chirp)

Birds - Chirp, Chirp, Chirp

Fang - Oh man, it is such a beautiful day out there. If only I was a bird and I could just fly away. Life would be so great. Maybe I should just go out there and relax for a bit …… no wait what am I thinking I have to get back to my story…… Well my childhood was fairly normal. Growing up I had everything that I ever needed …… toys, books, candy. I remember this one day where ……

Birds –– Chirp, chirp, chirp

Fang - …… listen to those birds outside in the sun without a care in the world. It’s spring, it’s the most beautiful day all year and I am stuck in here typing a book. I should go outside …… yeah I should. I’m my own boss, not my agent, I can do whatever I want …… but I have to get this done. I need to do some work today……how about I move onto some more interesting stuff and I’ll come back …… Well my wrestling career started one day, months after the injury that cost me my football career. Well I was sitting around one day in my apartment watching some WWF when my roommate walked in and told me about this place downtown. It was a wrestling school run by some jobber who thought that he was all that and a bag of chips. His name was Conan …… okay no it wasn’t but that would’ve made this chapter so much funnier. Anyway, I decided to drop-out of university and attend this wrestling school that my roommate told me about. You see I had nothing left that was keeping me at the school, the only reason that I was there was because I wanted to play football. My grades weren’t very good and the only reason I wasn’t getting kicked out was because they needed me for the football team. I knew that since I couldn’t play football anymore that I wouldn’t be around at the college anymore. Sure, my parents weren’t very happy about it but at least I was now doing something that made me happy. Then again I had no idea at the time just how happy wrestling would make me. The very first day that I showed up to the wrestling school, the school had already started and they weren’t accepting late entries. Even though I was the most recognized collegiate athlete in all of New York. So I did what any other person would do, I created a resume for myself and lied about my experience. Well I applied to about 4 different feds, and I was accepted to one. The WeWCF, well I started out right away starting off by wrestling in dark matches. Within a matter of weeks …… I was back on the street after getting fired. Apparently you have to actually know how to wrestle to be a wrestler, and it’s more than just beating the snot out of people. Well I heard about this other wrestling school that was being run in downtown New York also. Well I got into this one and in a couple of months I was graduating at the top of my class. From there I went onto join the SFW and the RFF where I was slowly climbing the ladder when they shut down. Then I came across this one fed, it stuck out from all the others. It was far superior, and the only thing missing in this fed was a superior wrestler to draw in the fans. This fed was the ……

Birds –– Chirp, chirp, chirp

* Splash *

(Fang looks out the window. Outside the birds in their nest are still chirping like a bunch of 3 year olds. Also, Ashley has just jumped into the pool that they have in Fang’s backyard. Hence the splash)

Fang –– Oh man, that pools looks so nice and refreshing. If only I wasn’t stuck here doing this crap. Well maybe I could just slip out for 15 minutes, nobody will ever notice the difference. Just for 15 minutes …… no, I can’t. I go out and I’ll never come back. I have to work on this book…… Okay now where was I?? Oh yeas, I had just heard about this fed that was called the SCW. Apparently they were going to be one of the top feds around, I took a look around at the fed and I was impressed. There was some good talent and they had some strong men leading the way. So I joined …… well it wasn’t that easy. You see I had to go through extensive training. I had to do some try-out matches, I had to prove that I was a true entertainer. It was tough, but it prepared me for what I was soon to encounter, the life of a wrestling superstar. Well finally I was accepted and I made my debut a couple nights later. You see, it was a Thursday night and I was sitting in the backstage area all by myself because …… well I didn’t know anybody. And I was watching the show and this guy came out and he had a title on each shoulder. He was out there bragging about how good he was, how he was the first man to ever hold both tag titles by himself and he was a little bit too cocky and I didn’t like it. So I came out and taught him a lesson. When my music came on the crowd became confused and so did everyone else. They had no clue who I was and when I came out they didn’t know whether they should cheer or boo me. Well it was an interesting night. Then the very next card, I had my first title show. Me vs John Mola one on one for the tag titles. Well it was my first match in a big fed and I was a little intimidated and I got my butt kicked. But that was a valuable lesson for me, it showed me that I still had to work even harder if I wanted to make it anywhere. It pushed me, and I responded by working harder, training harder and in no time I was winning matches. The next month and a half just flew by, and then all of a sudden it was time for my very first Pay Per View in the SCW. I was excited, almost extatic. My very first Pay Per View was approaching and I had a Glass Pane match with some guy by the name of Sean Aspinall. Well I wasn’t a hardcore wrestler and I had never been in a match like this so I was a little scared. Well the big night came and me and Sean both gave it our all. It was a hard fought match packed with action and with Gildan Turner interfering and taking away the glass pane to try and save money. Well in the end, I got the victory over Sean Aspinall which started a feud that would last a couple months. Anyway, the bookers and executives were so impressed with our match that they booked us another match at the next card against each other. This time inside a steel cage. Once again I was nervous because that isn’t my style, but I knew that I had the talent to beat anybody around …… even Sean Aspinall. So I went into this match with my head held high and all the confidence in the world and once again we both put out a spectacular effort, and once again I was luckily able to pull out the victory……

Birds- Chirp, chirp

* Splash *

* WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?? *

(Fang looks out the music, and the birds are still in their nest chirping, Ashley is still swimming, but now Fang’s neighbours are throwing a party in their backyard. Hence the music. It is a pool party, everyone is in the backyard swimming, playing games, getting drunk and having a great time.)

Fang –– Crap!! Why can’t I be out there having fun and listening to music and getting drunk?? Why am I stuck in here doing this crap? No…… I can’t start thinking negative. I just have to suck it up and get this done.

(Fang closes the window so that he can’t hear the music anymore.)

Fang –– Okay, now where was I? …… Oh yes my matches where I beat Sean Aspinall. Well what came next was something that should never have happened. You see, one day I simply gave some constructive criticism towards Jack Daniels, and him being the hot-tempered act on your gut prick that he is, got pissed off and his punishment for me was a 5 versus 2 match where it was Slash, Sirturnip, Legion, Justice and Hot Shot Tyler Cross against me and my new tag team partner Titan. Well I trained hard, I worked my butt off to prepare for that match while Titan sat back and did nothing. Well when the night finally came Sirturnip dropped out of the match because he didn’t think that it was fair at all. So it was now 4 versus 2, but I still knew that it would be tough. Well what happened was something that truly amazed me, the match started and I was kicking some major butt. In fact we were winning, I was about to make a pin when Titan came in and double-crossed me. Then Jack Daniels came about with a bag of tacks and spread those across the ring and then I was choke slammed onto the tacks. I don’t remember much of that night except what I was told and what I was shown on video tape. I still have some scars on my back from that night. Well that put me out of action for almost a month. While I was gone, Dave Jacobs returned to the SCW and there was a battle for supremacy and for ownership and leadership of the company. My first match back was a 30 man battle royal where the winner would get a Universal Title shot and it was pretty much Dave Jacob’s team against Jack Daniel’s. Well I came back with a huge impact and I finished as the second runner up. I was one of the top three men in that match!! Boy did it feel great. Fast forward a month where at the next Pay Per View, Take No Prisoners, I had a match for the Technical Title. It was a fatal four way involving myself, Kevin Scott, Conan and Scott Taylor. I won that match and became the new Technical Champ. At the end of the match, some mysterious men came out and attacked me from behind, but Mr. Showtime came out to my rescue. Then later on those same men came out and attacked Mr. Showtime and I came out to his rescue. That was the beginning of the so-called EWF Invasion and the beginning of the Fang/Mr. Showtime alliance. Well Showtime and I tagged for the next two weeks and then I got my biggest break. A fatal four way match for the Technical and Universal title. Fang vs. Brian Emix vs. Mr. Showtime vs. Sean Aspinall (The Universal Champ) Well it was a great match ending in a triumphant victory and new title reign for Fang. I was now the top wrestler in the federation. I was leading them into the new era …… the era of Fang. And then my first title defence was at the Pay Per View, Total Destruction, in which I had to defend my title in a 12 –– man battle royal. Brian Emix, Slash, Blade "C" Biohazard, Sirturnip, "2 Extreme" Sean Aspinall, Justin Tense, Sonic, "Dashing" Daniel Summers, Anarchy, Lucifer and The Silenter. 11 men all with one goal, to de-thrown me as the Universal Champion. Sure, the odds were against me, sure some of my most bitter enemies were in this match, but that wasn’t going to stop me. That may have been the toughest match of my entire career. It was a long hard battle but in the end I was still the Universal Champion. A few weeks later, Mr. Showtime and I were crowned the SCW tag-team champions. Then the former president G-Man made a surprising return aligning with myself and Showtime to form the most dominant group ever to grace the SCW scene. Well, we went a couple weeks on like that, coming out winning matches, when finally realized why we weren’t doing as much as we were expecting. We realized that there was something holding us down, somebody by the name of Showtime. So we disposed of him and brought in a new and better member in Cyclone. Well after that things were once again going our way, we were very dominant. Injuring people, scaring people, until we were attacked one night from behind by some mysterious wrestler name Repent. He had to attack us from behind just to get a chance. Well in the rumble, my knee gave out and I went down and wasn’t able to get back up. After an MRI and multiple other tests it was revealed that I had torn ligaments in my knee. It wouldn’t require surgery but I was forced to sit out for a while. Well I decided to do that, I continued being around with G-Man and Cyclone but I didn’t wrestle in matches. About a week and a half ago, I was backstage getting a massage when Jack Daniels, being the little bitch that he is, decided to strip me of my precious title for no reason. Well to say that I was upset would be a huge understatement. I was furious, I got up and came out to confront him. I demanded that he reverse his decision, but he refused. Then a little light went on inside my head. I thought to myself “Fang, you are the top wrestler in this fed, you are a huge part of this fed. They can’t survive without you” So I threatened to quit if they did not give me my rights to the title back. That is when he made the stupidest mistake that he has ever made. He let me leave the company. Well I was through with SCW, I was sick and tired of the pricks like Jack Daniels trying to hold me down so I left to go find something more of a challenge for me. That is when I came upon this tournament that was widely publicized. It was supposed to be for the best of the best, so I knew that I had to be there. I applied to be a participant in the RP GOD 2 tournament and of course I was accepted. Though when the brackets were released, I was a little disappointed to see that I was only a #9 seed. That just proved what I have always said, I am the most under-rated wrestler around. Well in the first round I was up against some guy that I had never heard of before .... Big Ern. Well ...

* Crash *

(All of a sudden, there is a crash and the window beside Fang shatters. Fang dives out of his chair and is laying flat out on the ground. He waits a couple seconds and then he gets up. He looks at the window which is no longer there. Well some parts of it are still there but the majority of it isn’t there. He then looks around the room to try and figure out what it was that did that to his window. He turns around and there is a big dent in the wall and on the ground right near it is a golf ball. Fang goes over and looks out the window. In one of his neighbours backyard, there is a man playing golf. It is the house beside the one having a party. The golfer is wearing plaid pants and a sweater vest. Fang looks over and tries to figure out how the hell he hit the ball all the way up through Fang’s window from where he is. Especially considering that he is putting. Fang gets a mad look on his face, his face turns red and even a little vein starts to pop out in the back of his neck. He saves his work on his computer and then storms out of the room. He walks through the house and then goes out through the backyard. Ashley is still in the pool and Fang just walks right by her and he walks through one backyard and then into the other backyard where the man is playing golf.)

Fang –– Hey you!!

Man –– Hi

Fang –– So, you’re playing golf?

Man –– Yeah, I’m going to be the next Tiger Woods.

Fang –– Not with putts like that?

Man –– Huh

Fang –– How the hell do you hit a window all the way up there from all the way down here?? Especially when you’re putting.

Man –– Ball …… through window?? What the hell are you talking about.

Fang –– Okay, look up there. You see that window?? The one that isn’t really a window anymore?? Well it used to be a window until this flying projectile came through the window and nearly took my head off. And as I look around, I don’t see anybody else playing golf.

Man –– But it wasn’t me!!

Fang –– And how can you prove that?

Man –– Well if I had put a golf ball through your window do you think that I would still be outside?? And even if I was, do you think that I would still have my golf clubs out with me??

Fang –– Good point. But if you didn’t do it, then who did??

Man –– I don’t know

Fang –– Okay then. Thank you for your time

Man –– No problem. (under his breath) phew, that was close …… sucker

Fang –– What was that?

Man –– I said it was a pleasure to meet you and I hope you catch that
prankster.

Fang –– Oh, thank you.

(Fang walks off, leaving the man there putting and chuckling to himself. Fang walks back to his backyard where Ashley is now getting out of the pool and drying herself off.)

Ashley –– So you finally got yourself out of that room and out here under the sun?

Fang –– Yeah, well I finished my part for today. Plus I was ready to kick some butt, cause some jerk almost took off my head with a golf ball.

Ashley –– Who??

Fang –– I don’t know. But now that I’m out here I am going to enjoy myself.

(With that Fang jumps into the pool with all of his clothes on and the scene fades out as he pulls Ashley back in.)